The New PSP

The New PSP

Causality is difficult to determine. Although it is easy enough to observe event A and then event B and conclude that, assuming a plausible relationship exists between the two, A somehow caused B to happen, how do we prove this? ...

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Fortune Favors the Bold Proverb

Erring on the Side of Recklessness

When I was a teenager, I was into BMX dirt-jumping, spending many summers building ramps in the fields behind my best friend Nick's house. While the rest of the world was having fun at city pools and water parks, Nick and I and our cohorts were digging holes. ...

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Boy playing a piano

Practice, Practice, Practice

Nostalgia is nice. Could be some out-of-focus, hold-in-your-hands photos (remember those?) you took of a rad freestyle biker riding the spine at a local skate park. Could be the video you took of the owner, a former freestyle and vert riding pro, pulling some gravity-defying tricks and then abruptly...

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Father's Day

Like Father, Like Schadenfreude

My wife and I have three young children. As they grow physically, so, too, grow their energy reserves. Most days, keeping up with them seems an exercise in futility, something akin to Jabba the Hut challenging Road Runner to a foot race. Though I'm lacking in knowledge as it pertains to Jabba's...

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young man standing and juggling with red balls

Sideshow Juggler

The circus juggler approaches the edge of the arena. His heart is pounding like a bass drum, hands sweaty and slick, as though dipped in oil, mind racing like a bullet train. All of his training has been in preparation for this moment, the moment he displays his awesome skill for the audience and...

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Computer criminal

A Couple Thoughts on Honesty

Last year, we were at Mom and Dad's for a bonfire. I was sitting, watching the fire, and Will, my then seven-year-old, came over to sit on my lap. After finding his place, he took the Gatorade bottle I'd been holding, and from which I'd been enjoying a tasty, albeit non-alcoholic, beverage, and...

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jail

Cereal Punishment

If you kill somebody, you get the needle, or the chair, or three squares a day and cable and conjugal visits for life. You know--an appropriate punishment. But if you don't finish all your cereal in the Kabala household, you get the worst punishment of all: getting one over on dad. ...

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Clown

12 Days of--NO

I have learned to admit when I'm wrong, deciding it's better to look like a small fool than a blithering idiot. Word of a block-headed person travels faster than children run from unpaid chores. Best to take your licks and be able to enjoy the holiday party without parking your face in the Jack...

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Camper

Boxed In

Illiamway grew up poor. When other kids got the latest fashions, toys, and trips, he got those, too, and then some. When he went camping, instead of staying in a tent, his parents forced him to stay in an Airstream trailer. ...

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Indisputable Invisibility

When kids first learn to play hide-and-seek, they stand proudly in the middle of a room, hands covering eyes, absolutely assured they are invisible. If I can't see them, they can't see me, they think. Sidenote: not unlike the liberal view of the national debt, but I digress....

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Crazy Crapper

The secret agent runs inside the house, throws his papers in the corner, and heads for the inner sanctum. The place where people seek solitude from the cacophonous noise parade. The john....

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Musical Malady

Weight-lifting time has become father-son time in my house. Whenever I announce I'm going to the basement to pump some iron, pushing against the forces of salty, fatty snacks, and that dude from Man v Food (who seems bent on flavorful death), Will bolts from what he's doing like a circus performer...

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Sex Talk Walkin', Walkin' Away

Will: Dad, before I was alive, I had no idea you were even here....

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Lockjaw: My Friend

Lockjaw causes spasms of the jaw muscles, often resulting in the inability to open and close one's mouth, restricting speech. Tetanus, a disease of the central nervous system, often causes this condition. ...

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Microscope

Will's Microscope

This year, Will wanted a microscope for his sixth birthday. ...

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Forgone Festivity

I'm no Scrooge. I give money to the kids who hock candy door-to-door (seems as good a time as any to clean out the couch cushions), and this past Christmas season, I broke my tradition of not decorating our house with lights....

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Buffered Conceit

I take my kids to Sunday school every week. I take them to vacation Bible school every summer. I read Bible stories to them regularly (read: more often than when I "accidentally" drop the f-bomb in their presence, which hasn't happened, yet, but I do own a computer, so ...). ...

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'[P]od'

The boy gets his hands on a new acquisition, and he smiles, for nothing physical touches his extremities. This latest addition to the arsenal of power over his rival could be the final surge that pushes his enemy past the breaking point, and since this tool, this sacred relic of dominance, exists...

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I Will Not Have the Egg Salad

Father-son bonding is important. Experiencing many moments of shared preferences for the occasional swear word behind mom's back or revelation in a mistaken interpretation of grossness (read:awesomeness) is what it takes to keep the relationship cemented....

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Roadblocks

I used to picture a road-block as a wooden barricade painted orange and white, something prone to induce immediate cursing....

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