60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #42

42. Other than for advising your kids to "put on a coat if you're cold" and to "put on shoes if your feet hurt when running around on the bare concrete basement floor" and on a daily basis preventing the fire department from knowing your childrens' names and your address by heart, and other...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #41

41. When your son asks you to try to be a professional basketball player by shooting a soccer ball (yes, a soccer ball; he's not really into sports) through a cheap top-of-the-door plastic hoop, you accept the challenge, but move about three feet away from the hoop to ensure your success, and by...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #40

40. While grocery shopping, you flub up entering numbers, punching in a zero where a decimal point should have gone, and mistakenly inflate your total by a thousand dollars, but rather than seeing the mistake for what it is, your first thought is to rationalize how the total could have gotten that...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #39

39. You know you should get more than six hours a night, but after watching Inception, you figure they'll someday bring a drug to market that will allow you to go four levels deep and get 50-year's-worth in a couple seconds, so you stay up late. Hey, Conan's on. And they can say "shit" now!...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #38

38. The road to fame and fortune, at this age, seems even more crooked, even more covered with surface fissures, crumbling buildings, flight-patters of enemy aircraft than it was 10 years ago. To a lot of people, this would be discouraging to the point that striving for mediocrity seems the best...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #37

37. Your relationship with your wife has strengthened to the point where you both agree the price retailer's charge for roses on Valentine's Day is usury and cause to avoid floral purchases on that particular day. I'll say it again: ON THAT PARTICULAR DAY. All other days of the year are fair game,...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #36

36. You always swore you'd never be a stage parent, shuttling your kids around the country in a deliberate attempt at overexposure, but now that your kids have shown an interest in playing guitar, and you've spent many nights researching the countless pages on Musician's Friend.com and checking out...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #35

35. When you were a teenager, you thought that never having much to say about political issues was due to shyness, but now that you're a wizened male of nearly three decades, you realize that keeping your lips sealed long ago represented prudence; the opposite, (choose your invective)ness....

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60 Reasons It’s Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #34

34. You realize that sometimes the only way to do what's best in the long-term for your family is to spend a lot of time working your tail off, and that really sucks, but you are consoled by the likelihood that in a decade or so your then teenagers will have better things to do than spend time with...

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60 Reasons It’s Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #33

33. You finally started to realize that getting at least seven hours of sleep makes you less likely to resemble a certain Sesame Street character in the morning, and then your whole family gets sick in the middle of the night, and, since you're the lucky one that never gets sick, you get the...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #32

32. After reading a Men's Health article, you think standing during a few phone calls at work, instead of sitting, is the key to keeping up with the Twilight dude's abs. Then somebody tells you what the article was really trying to say, and you lie on the floor with a box of donuts instead, saying,...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #31

31. By now, you're pretty much convinced that your parents were geniuses, or at least saints for letting you live if you were anything like your kids are now....

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #30

Halfway there, folks, and surprisingly (sadly) this has been one of the easiest lists I've composed, signs of aging popping up like the critters on a short-circuited whack-a-mole. Enjoy....

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #29

29. You have a wife who's afflicted with a mild case of the Benjamin Button syndrome, starting in her twenties and never seeming to age out of that decade....

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #28

28. You realize that, among your kind, you are decently technologically savvy, when you read a friend's Facebook post announcing that they're shopping for their FIRST cell phone. WTH?! ...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #27

27. You were 15 when the Packers won the Superbowl in 1997, and even though your dream of playing wide-receiver didn't pan out--your ability to catch a pillow barely better than catching a football--your fan-loyalty paid off. You just hope you don't have to double in age again before they get back. ...

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #26

26. Even though you now have to expend twice the effort, it seems, to get the same benefit, your waist measurement approximates your age, give or take an inch. Take that, Ben & Jerry! Two-thirds of you all can be fat f---ers all by yourselves. Proud to be a minority....

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #25

25. You've got two kids, another on the way, long ago realized that it's a rare scream that qualifies as an emergency, and thus get laughs worthy of a Jo Koy set when you see first-time parents jump up like somebody lit a torch under their ass when their kid makes the slightest peep, muttering,...

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60 Reasons It’s Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #24

24. After years of post-graduation slacking, you're finally getting back to the strength levels you had in high-school ... and you realize that's sooo sad....

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60 Reasons It's Good/It Sucks To Be Turning 30 #23

23. You are finally beginning to understand the power of taking the time to itemize your deductions, realizing that even though Uncle Sam still rapes you every year, you can do a little homework and addition and lube up first, and make that crusty sonofabitch pay up....

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