Headache Headache

Trying to convince my wife to take meds when she needs them is like trying to store water in a sieve. You can put as much water in there as you like, but most of it's gonna leak out, leaving only remnants behind. Perhaps a trace of usefulness, but mostly just something to be wiped away....

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Amorous Aluminum

My wife dives for cover every time I fart. But I think she secretly likes the smell. Why else would she continue to make me homemade burritos?...

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Sing Song Ding Dong

The walls in my home are covered with clever quotes and designs from Uppercase Living, the vinyl lettering and decor company with which my wife is associated. Curlycues under shadowboxes, chalk-circles for drawing on walls, a flower passing underneath a picture frame looking like live art, the words...

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Running Her Crazy

Ten years ago, if you asked my wife to run around the block, she would have either laughed at you like you had just morphed into Jerry Seinfeld in his prime (which is, incidentally, right now) or started hyperventilating at the thought of extended aerobic footwork....

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Get the Last Smiley

Buzz, buzz went my phone, indicating a received text. Following is the texting thread with my wife that was of grave importance to Thanksgiving dessert success: ...

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Clomp! Goes the Wake-Up Call

I was a builder of worlds using Hershey's Nuggets for bricks, Red Vines for cables, and Pirouettes for trusses. A titan of the candy land of my mind. Then a shadow fell over the horizon of my kingdom, and all hope of sleeping until the alarm went off vanished....

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Water Shush

My wife was saying something to me a few days ago, and I'm sure it was important and all, but it was almost midnight, and I was trying to brush my teeth and do the whole mouthwash thing and generally fart around ... uh, farting in the bathroom (trying to limit lethal gas exposure in the bedroom,...

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