Little girl in her mother"s shoes

Spit-Shine Shennanigans

Amy went into our main-floor bathroom on Monday to find Ella standing in the middle of the floor, bent over her new ballet flats, rubbing away with her sock on the outer skin of the shoes. Tiny food chunks clung to the shoes, becoming tinier and tinier, messier and messier, with each swipe of the...

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Crazy man checking his head

Jumbled Java

I've suffered from migraine headaches for years. They're difficult to approaching impossible to predict, sometimes preceded by an aura (the sensation of flashing lights in my eyes), sometimes appearing out of nowhere. Usually, though, they win the consistency award for one thing: when they appear....

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feuer brennen laufen

A Good Running Fart

I love to run. ...

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Alter Backofen

5 Reasons to Replace Your HVAC So You Avoid Prison

My house was built in the 1920s. I haven't been able to determine the age of my HVAC system, but I think a good possibility exists that its skin could have served to protect the Monitor and/or the Merrimack. As expected, with age, it's experiencing problems, and these problems aren't just hitting me...

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Unhappy Woman

Resolution Modification

Make your New Year's resolution list yet? No, I don't mean the list for next year (although, that may be a good idea for those of you already off the wagon). I mean have you made it? If you've failed, no biggie. You're an average American. ...

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Dry Fly Me a Brain

While using my Illustrated Oxford Dictionary to look up the correct spelling for "dumfound," which, incidentally, may or may not, at the writer's discretion, contain a "b," don't judge me, I noticed the entry in the upper-left corner of the left-hand-side page: dry fly....

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Golf: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #7

1. Seth knows there is an inverse relationship between the number of mulligans allowed and beers consumed in pursuit of a happy round. More mulligans allowed = less beer needed; Less mulligans allowed = more beer needed....

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Computer Programming: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #6

1. Seth got an A in Java 101, but only because the instructor wanted good evaluations and gave out enough extra credit I'll-sit-next-to-you-while-you-write/copy-the-code assignments for anyone who showed up and stayed relatively awake to pass the class....

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Staying Calm: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #5

1. Seth has stolen several golf balls that dickwad players hit into him (perhaps this should go in a "Seth Is Awesome" category?)....

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Moustache: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #4

1. Seth has tried Rogaine on his upper lip, only momentarily considering the consequences of the concoction dripping into his mouth during a sweaty workout session, figuring there's nothing a shot of Listerine--or Jim Beam--can't cure. ...

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'[C]how things go'

Advertisers are always coming up with new names for the same old shit to try to trick us into thinking said shit is worthy of buying. ...

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Football: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #3

1. Seth thought the reason he only played six plays his junior year was because of politics. Then he grew up....

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Listening: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #2

1. Seth believes the mutual exclusivity of hearing and comprehending his wife or the television is firmly based in science, beta testing to continue eternally....

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Auto Repair/Maintenance: 10 Reasons Seth Sucks #1

1. Seth once drove around in a Ford Escort for a week with no brake pressure because he was in denial. ...

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Dairy Danger

I've decided to change careers....

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'Can You Weed This?'

A friend of mine recently introduced me to Merlot. Since I've been an on-again-off-again drinker since high-school, it didn't surprise me that I liked it, though I was left wondering about the logical void that makes teenagers start with hard liquor and eventually move to stuff with actual taste...

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