Children, not, allowed, sign

Barn Kids

Amy and I have been looking at properties with land, something on the order of 1-5 acres. One of these properties had several out-buildings (or outhouses, as Amy continues to misidentify them. Never at a loss for where to drop your drawers on our property!). These out-buildings weren't run-down,...

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Cartoon stick figure drawing conceptual illustration of angry man or businessman targeting with antique cannon ready to fire.

Bolt-Action Cannonball Sack

"Can you do the bolt-action cannonball sack?" Ella asked me today during bedtime. She was trying to remember the name of the move I do when I toss her over my shoulder and then flip her onto the bed. (I call it the fireman’s carry/toss.) Earlier, she was playing Fortnite with Will and must have...

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Grunge green accepted word round rubber seal stamp on white background

Editor's Note--TFF Issue #21

On Easter Sunday afternoon, we took our kids to a trampoline/obstacle course park, but not just any ordinary park. This wasn't a collection of four-feet-across questionable exercise equipment in the trailer park's social activities room. (If we cobble together a bunch of small trampolines, we could...

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Mad scientist holding up a test tube

Ammo Arms (part one)

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Pop-art style poster with hipster deer dressed in yellow glasses and scarf, telling I am cool.

Toxic Bambi

Yesterday while I was writing, Ella, our seven-year-old, came up to me and said she had thought of a joke. "My first joke," she announced, pride streaming from her voice and face. I asked her what it was. Here's what she said, "What does [we'll say Bob] want to do for school? Me U. Get it? Me U...

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Battle of the Sarcasticons

I’m raising a band of Little Sarcasticons. Defined term? Yes, yes it is. You can find it in the Kabala Book of Sarcasticisms. New chapters available daily. No longer must we be constrained in our sarcastic witticism production. Oh, no, folks. Netflix has joined the charge with their resurrection...

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Fortune cookie bad set. death and robber on paper prediction. Vector illustration

Imaginative Cookies

The executive stepped to the lectern, his stomach churning with nerves and the remnants of last night's authentic Mexican food. Wonderful flavors. Wonderful and punishing, that is. This moment was shaping up to be a repeat of that theme. Investors, the public, the press--if he could convince them...

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Editor’s Note--TFF Issue #18

The entertainer waited patiently at the street corner. Regaled in his Darth Vader mask, he struck a menacing, if not eye-brow raising, figure. A black cape flowed behind him in the soft downtown breeze, also ruffling the hem of his kilt. ...

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The sun painted chalk on the asphalt

Editor's Note--TFF Issue #17

I find myself sitting at my kitchen table on the best day of the year, weather wise. I'm inside but close enough to the patio door to feel the sun's rays radiating through the glass. Their circle of influence grows strong today. ...

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2018 year goals list on napkin

Editor's Note--TFF Issue #16

2017 is coming to a close. ...

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christmas snowman decoration

Shiny

I imagine a big hamster wheel. I step onto the tread, move one foot in front of the other, feeling the sole of my shoe grip the inclined part of the curved wall, sunlight glinting off the shiny, metal-trimmed edge, and I press forward and down. ...

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golden iced lolly

Perishable Relics

The explorer burst into the temple at a run, breathing hard from the exertion. She skidded to a stop and scanned around, willing her eyes to adjust quickly to the dim light. The ancient guardians of the temple were fast on her heels, their heavy footballs echoing off the ancient stone, growing...

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Air against Fire

Alternative Medicine

Walter had been away deployed with his unit oversees for over a year. Elizabeth, his loyal wife and ardent lover, managed their home and business in his absence. The pharmacy had been in the family for five generations. Though it wasn't the sexiest of operations, it provided a healthy income, which...

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insurance design

Smoking Charges Ignite

Last night, Amy took Anna, our seven-year-old, to the dress rehearsal for her 2015 dance recital. I was left in charge of Will, our nine-year-old, and Ella, our three-year-old. What follows is a litany of the kids showing me that I exist in their world as a piece of tightly-spun twine, permanently...

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Accident web button

Stumbling Into Dancing

I cannot dance. I look like a mannequin, strung up like a marionette and attached with a chain to a rusty, unreliable lawnmower, which determines my movements and is always rolling over bumpy ground. ...

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superhero

Baby Girl Flyweight

Ascending the stairs was a step in the midst of an efficiently-engineered process. ...

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Little girl in her mother"s shoes

Spit-Shine Shennanigans

Amy went into our main-floor bathroom on Monday to find Ella standing in the middle of the floor, bent over her new ballet flats, rubbing away with her sock on the outer skin of the shoes. Tiny food chunks clung to the shoes, becoming tinier and tinier, messier and messier, with each swipe of the...

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Arrow, signs, not, my, fault, shifting, blame

Blankets, Bags, and Blame-Shifting

Our kids attend AWANA Club. AWANA is a great program for kids, but it gets out pretty late, so after arriving home, we put the kids to bed a short time later. When I turned to hug Ella, our two-year-old, goodnight, I misjudged her position and clocked her in the head with my elbow. She acted like...

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Thank You Greeting Card

'Just thanks'

"Thanks," Ella, my two-year-old daughter, said. ...

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