christmas snowman decoration

Shiny

I imagine a big hamster wheel. I step onto the tread, move one foot in front of the other, feeling the sole of my shoe grip the inclined part of the curved wall, sunlight glinting off the shiny, metal-trimmed edge, and I press forward and down. ...

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Fortune Favors the Bold Proverb

Erring on the Side of Recklessness

When I was a teenager, I was into BMX dirt-jumping, spending many summers building ramps in the fields behind my best friend Nick's house. While the rest of the world was having fun at city pools and water parks, Nick and I and our cohorts were digging holes. ...

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golden iced lolly

Perishable Relics

The explorer burst into the temple at a run, breathing hard from the exertion. She skidded to a stop and scanned around, willing her eyes to adjust quickly to the dim light. The ancient guardians of the temple were fast on her heels, their heavy footballs echoing off the ancient stone, growing...

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Abandoned old cars

5 Excuses for the Disintegration of the Family Car

In 2012, we bought a 2009 Dodge Journey. At the time, it was a sweet ride. Alloy wheels, gun-metal gray paint, Green Goblin-esque green glowing lights illuminating the dials--it was a pimped ride, in my opinion, or as close as I, with three kids and having been married almost a decade, was ever...

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sexy girl with dark hair in swimsuit and sunglasses

5 Reasons Retro Aviators Are Awesome

We're finally getting into some acceptably warm weather here in the Midwest. Temps have been in the 60s and 70s. Winds have kicked up, but they've had a touch of heat to them, like a warm blanket after you take it out of the dryer, sans the static electric shock. Uncharacteristic for this spring...

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where is my coffee?

Inbred Mate-ing

I love coffee. I also love the lining of my stomach. (You know, gastrointestinal surgery to correct ulcers was a close candidate for the bucket list. Just missed the cut.) Accordingly, I usually drink my brew with a generous helping of Coffee-mate hazelnut creamer. One, two, three taps of the...

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Pepper And Razor

Shavin' and Screamin'

My mother's family, surname Borchardt, is descended from Germany. ...

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superhero

Baby Girl Flyweight

Ascending the stairs was a step in the midst of an efficiently-engineered process. ...

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Young man with lens

Searching for Cookies

103 days ago, I started a strategic initiative to achieve financial freedom, apex career status, and optimum mental health, all in rising amounts over the next decade. With any journey, it is important to set short-term goals to measure one's progress, ensure one has stayed on the path and avoided...

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Razor blade

Ride the Razor

Occam's Razor is a problem-solving heuristic, useful in choosing one explanation from many for unexplained circumstances. It says that when deciding among many possible solutions to a problem, choose the simplest, the one requiring the fewest assumptions. ...

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Read the Fine Print Magnifying Glass Words

Valentine's Day TLC (terms of loving conditions)

Today, my wife of almost 12 years, Amy, will be schlepping the kids to the library, a destination sought only after hauling them to swimming lessons this morning at 9:15a, also a destination sought only after coaxing three children under age 10 out of bed and into a state of acceptable outdoor dress...

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Russian-Optimism-Front-Cover-low-res

Review: Russian Optimism

A blonde youth, maybe four or five-years-old, gazes up from the tableau, a smile on his face. He holds the end of a piece of copper wire. It trails behind him, coiling like a snake. In the background on a shelf, Russian dolls stand in left-to-right ascending height order. Above this, the object on...

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BOYCOTT

5 Super Bowl Alternatives

Following the Packers oh-no-you-dih-n't epic loss to the Seahawks in the NFC Championship Game, I, a jaded fan, in last week's column, raged against the improbability of it all. Throughout my business education and career, I've heard the principle of process consistency preached numerous times. ...

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Fail (неудача). Печать и оттиск

From Green to Blew It

Last Sunday, the Green Bay Packers, my team since the 80s (so, my whole life), lost in spectacular fashion to the Seattle Seahawks in the NFC Championship Game, blowing a lead in the final minutes, torching a lot of respect, shedding fair-weather fans, and even more fashion fans, but most...

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Boy playing a piano

Practice, Practice, Practice

Nostalgia is nice. Could be some out-of-focus, hold-in-your-hands photos (remember those?) you took of a rad freestyle biker riding the spine at a local skate park. Could be the video you took of the owner, a former freestyle and vert riding pro, pulling some gravity-defying tricks and then abruptly...

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cartoon faces

5 Reasons Kids Suck

1. Gummy Vitamins ...

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One 3D lego yellow block

The LEGO Movie Way

In The LEGO Movie, during the scene where Emmet and his gang arrive at Cloud Cuckoo Land, Unikitty, with her effervescent (bordering on psychopathic bi-polar) personality describes the appearing-like-a-circus, multi-colored, multi-styled, multi-use-of-drugs-infused-into-plastic society as being...

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Little girl in her mother"s shoes

Spit-Shine Shennanigans

Amy went into our main-floor bathroom on Monday to find Ella standing in the middle of the floor, bent over her new ballet flats, rubbing away with her sock on the outer skin of the shoes. Tiny food chunks clung to the shoes, becoming tinier and tinier, messier and messier, with each swipe of the...

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Toilet Queuing

Sabotaging the Throne

My seven-year-old daughter, Anna, takes forever in the bathroom. It's her private time. I respect that. But with that respect comes a lack of knowledge about what's going on. Why in the world does it take 30 minutes to take a shower? You're friggin' tiny! I've thought about (jokingly. Well,...

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