Old Camper or Crystal Meth Lab

Little Meth Lab on the Back 40

I told a colleague that you could buy 12 acres in rural Iowa, plus a private lake, forest, and a decent house for $325K. He mentioned something about using all the extra savings to catch the backwoods economic wave in Iowa and start up a meth lab operation. This colleague has lived his whole life in...

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Grunge green accepted word round rubber seal stamp on white background

Editor's Note--TFF Issue #21

On Easter Sunday afternoon, we took our kids to a trampoline/obstacle course park, but not just any ordinary park. This wasn't a collection of four-feet-across questionable exercise equipment in the trailer park's social activities room. (If we cobble together a bunch of small trampolines, we could...

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!FINAL FINAL Mike Graphic Album Cover v2 Option D copy

Review: The Worst Kind of Thoughtful

"One-hundred percent Italian" stand-up comic Mike Vecchione hails from the Queens borough of New York City. While writing, rehearsing, and recording The Worst Kind of Thoughtful, his 2nd comedy album, we're guessing he never gave a thought to how the awesomeness of his work would necessitate public...

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roller coaster

Thrill Ride

I delivered my 10th speech at Toastmasters this past Thursday, earning me the ranking of Competent Communicator (CC), as if there was any doubt. I've found it helpful to post these speeches here, as 1) they might help you light a fire under your ass to start your public speaking journey, and 2) I...

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Empty Theater Chairs

10 Reasons the Cheap Theater Rocks

1. You can see many of the big blockbusters weeks, perhaps even months, after they hit first-run theaters, solidifying your status as fashionably late and appreciative of the finer, aged things in life--such as yourself. ...

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Black hole in space

Celestial Deadline

As agreed, your first day of work will be on Monday, January 1, 2018, 6th floor of the Burnside Building on N Sycamore Ave, which is two blocks from the State Capitol building. ...

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Air against Fire

Alternative Medicine

Walter had been away deployed with his unit oversees for over a year. Elizabeth, his loyal wife and ardent lover, managed their home and business in his absence. The pharmacy had been in the family for five generations. Though it wasn't the sexiest of operations, it provided a healthy income, which...

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Abandoned old cars

5 Excuses for the Disintegration of the Family Car

In 2012, we bought a 2009 Dodge Journey. At the time, it was a sweet ride. Alloy wheels, gun-metal gray paint, Green Goblin-esque green glowing lights illuminating the dials--it was a pimped ride, in my opinion, or as close as I, with three kids and having been married almost a decade, was ever...

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Angry Zeus

God of Goonies

I started driving a new work vehicle. It's the latest model of Toyota Camry, complete with a bunch of features that are cool, but also annoying. Case in point: the audio system automatically syncs with my iPhone, which is cool when you want to play tunes from your iTunes library through the car's...

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Read the Fine Print Magnifying Glass Words

Valentine's Day TLC (terms of loving conditions)

Today, my wife of almost 12 years, Amy, will be schlepping the kids to the library, a destination sought only after hauling them to swimming lessons this morning at 9:15a, also a destination sought only after coaxing three children under age 10 out of bed and into a state of acceptable outdoor dress...

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BOYCOTT

5 Super Bowl Alternatives

Following the Packers oh-no-you-dih-n't epic loss to the Seahawks in the NFC Championship Game, I, a jaded fan, in last week's column, raged against the improbability of it all. Throughout my business education and career, I've heard the principle of process consistency preached numerous times. ...

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cartoon faces

5 Reasons Kids Suck

1. Gummy Vitamins ...

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Envelopes background

Going Postal

I never wanted to go to the post office. ...

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Shopping cart isolated

5 Reasons I Love Sam's Club

This past week, Sam's Club opened a store minutes from our house, so Amy and I took the kids there on Thursday. In conversation with someone today, the subject of Sam's deals came up. But when asked to recall the best ones I saw, except for the 80" TV--which, really?--I came up blank, for I must...

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Little Sister-Big World

Little Sister, Big World

Last Saturday, Amy and I loaded up all three kids in the car, traveled five minutes before the how-much-longers started, very nearly became victims of spontaneous head popping off syndrome, and, six hours later, one way, made it to Kansas City, MO. ...

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Cutie

Maiden Manipulation

An old furniture store in our city was recently converted into a bowling alley/arcade/restaurant/bar. The owner dubbed it "QC Family Entertainment." I suspect he or she has paid off members of the press assigned to report on bar-fights and instances of indecent exposure, and more than a few...

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faceplant-3422

FacePlant

My father is a brilliant trouble-shooter, photographer, and songwriter; my mother, a wonderful guitarist and vocalist. Plus she has mad debating skills. Life, however, seeks out balance, and brilliance/wonderfulness fails to exist everywhere. ...

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Car radio

Piece of Sh*t Car Reprise

When I was in high-school, a popular song named "Ode to My Car," by Adam Sandler, spun regularly on the radio. No, it didn't. All foul-mouthed teenage boys wished such happy, unfiltered radio days would appear, but that didn't stop the explicit lyrics from making an impact, even if the song's plot...

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Helloaaahhh!

Few are the moments that I stand my ground when a solid-mass weapon is hurtling toward me at top speed. If I see a kamikaze mailman moving in with a hand-gun drawn and aimed, I run inside, lock the door, and dispose of all stamps. That's gotta be what he's after, right?...

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Christmas Carol History--REVEALED! #7

Jingle Bells....

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