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Filed Under on November 17th, 2010

Deadly Donuts

By Seth Kabala

The morning started off good. Four eggs fluffed with a splash of milk, mixed with Parmesan and salt and black pepper and red pepper flakes and slathered with Cholula hot sauce; four ounces of Bob Evan’s spicy Italian sausage (sorry for the smell, honey, luv ya) fried into the wonderful concoction; tall glass of o.j.; two English muffins, pads of full-fat butter sliding across their moon-like surfaces.

I scarfed this all down, drove 30 minutes to my office, spent a few hours there, and then drove an hour-and-a-half to a meeting with other offices. From the time I finished breakfast till the meeting began, almost four hours had passed, and I was far from feeling hunger pangs.

Then I saw the box of donuts on the conference table, and the rumblings began.

What is it about the presence of donuts that instantly squashes your full feeling? Here are my top five ways for rationalizing donut consumption:

1. “Everyone else is eating them. I wouldn’t want to be rude to my boss, a guy I’ve seen in-person maybe three times in four-and-a-half years, and with whom I have such a close bond, and who doubtless sings my praises–just because…. What’s that? … Oh, you’re right. Those are my anti-psychotic meds, and, yes, I did forget to take them this morning.”

2. “I’ll just eat less for dinner. (Dinnertime arrives.) “You made pot roast. I freakin’ love you, woman! … What did I say earlier? … I do not recall that, counselor.”

3. “I’ll run a few more miles before the end of the week.” (Forecast looks rainy all week.) “Well, what am I supposed to do about Mother Nature? … Yes, I do own a treadmill, but lighting, electricity–probably a bad combination. Yeah, I think so.”

4. “They looked so lonely sitting on the day-old shelf. I couldn’t let good, well, edible at least, food go to waste.”

5. “That’s why they make Lipitor. And it’s covered under the health plan, so.”

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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