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I’m a realist. I call things like they are, and if I look stupid in the process, well, so be it. Will and I were getting ready to hit some golf wiffle balls in the backyard. Sorry. Must rephrase–in the …...

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Filed Under on July 1st, 2011

Stupid Piece of … Oh, That's Right

By Seth Kabala

I’m a realist. I call things like they are, and if I look stupid in the process, well, so be it.

Will and I were getting ready to hit some golf wiffle balls in the backyard. Sorry. Must rephrase–in the over-sized planter masquerading as a backyard. The sorta-looks-like-puke colored patch of grass barely big enough to cover your bald spot. The miniature real-estate that requires control over the force exerted on a shot, lest it bounce off the house and into one of three neighbors’ yards, all equidistant away.

So it’s small. Think I’ve established that, and when you’ve got a dog in a small yard, ample opportunities present themselves to use dish soap for alternative purposes, so prior to teeing up, I went about poop scooping.

Nearly finished, I came upon a stubborn turd. It had wedged its way down to the undergrowth, the centerpiece of tangled grass spun tight as bridge cables around its hard corpus (I don’t do this often), and it resisted multiple attempts to free it from the lawn.

“Stupid piece of shit,” I said, and paused to reflect.

What a truism. What a glorious piece of insight. A heavenly turd, if there are such things. How often are epithets we direct at the objects of our wrath accurate, free of hyperbole?

What an interesting thought to employ “The Invention of Lying” in the real world. A broken-down car would be just that. A frigid woman would be just that.

Notice I didn’t say this was a good idea. Just an interesting one. Should honesty breed an increased murder rate, I don’t know nothin’.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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