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My father is a brilliant trouble-shooter, photographer, and songwriter; my mother, a wonderful guitarist and vocalist. Plus she has mad debating skills. Life, however, seeks out balance, and brilliance/wonderfulness fails to exist everywhere. Yesterday, my parents called my wife and …...

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faceplant-3422

Filed Under , on January 11th, 2014

FacePlant

By Seth Kabala

My father is a brilliant trouble-shooter, photographer, and songwriter; my mother, a wonderful guitarist and vocalist. Plus she has mad debating skills. Life, however, seeks out balance, and brilliance/wonderfulness fails to exist everywhere.

Yesterday, my parents called my wife and asked if they could FaceTime with the kids. Sounds like a reasonable request, even magnanimous and gracious, I dare say. Better than following each other around the house screaming like a couple characters on Rosanne, building a ruckus until the police were called (guess the fiction).

What started out as impressive and (boring baby has a moment of cuteness–read: farts–voice) awwww inspiring devolved into this conversation, as told by Amy:

“Mom asked if I had an iPhone and if I had FaceTime. I said, ‘Yes, I do.’ Then she asked if I had an iPad, and I said I didn’t, but I could FaceTime on the iPhone. Then she told your dad: ‘She can FaceTime.’ He said, ‘Does she have an iPhone?’ So Mom asked me, ‘Do you have an iPhone?’

The dialogue:

Amy: Yes, that’s what I’m talking on. It’s my only phone.

Mom to Dad: Yes, she has an iPhone. It’s her only phone. She’s on it.

Dad: Can she FaceTime on it?

Mom to Amy: Can you FaceTime on it?

Amy: Yep, I can FaceTime on it.

Mom: Do the kids have FaceTime on their iPods?

Amy: Yeah, I’m pretty sure they do. But they don’t have their iPods with them. We’re not at home.

Mom to Dad: They can FaceTime on their iPods.

Dad to Mom: Do they have special numbers to do that with?

Mom to Amy: Do they have special numbers to do that with?

Mom was relaying everything Dad was saying, failing to realize that Dad was sitting right next to Mom, so Amy could hear him fine. Granted, he was talking like a revival preacher trying his best to convince the populace to Repent! Repent! And don’t forget there is an inverse relationship between the level of purchasing power in your wallet and the power of the spirit.

Amy: They do have special numbers, but it doesn’t really matter because we don’t have the iPods with us. You can just call me on my phone.

Mom to Amy: Are the kids busy?

Amy: No, they’re just playing right now.

Mom: So we can FaceTime on your phone?

Amy: Yeah, you can. You can just do it with me on my iPhone, the one I’m talking on right now.

Amy claims she’s a sweet little thing, but I’m certain she was thinking, Are you frickin’ kidding me right now?! I’ll just go out and buy some string, tie off one end at our house, run it all the way out to you–they live an hour away–and then maybe you’ll be able to understand me long enough to say, ‘Here come the white coats. Uh, buh-bye.’

Dad: I don’t have her number.

Mom: We need your number.

Amy : (Gives them number. Ludicrous since they were already talking to her.)

Mom: Dad’s trying to figure out how to FaceTime you.

Amy: Ok.

Dad: (Calls Amy’s phone from his MacBook while Mom is still on the line with Amy.) Ok, I’m trying to FaceTime her.

Mom to Dad: Is it working?

Amy: Yeah, it’s working. He’s calling on the other line. We need to hang up now so we can do FaceTime on my phone.

Mom to Kids: Grandpa’s sitting here yelling at the computer.

Hey, failure’s a good thing, right? So long as you have plenty of time to correct your mistakes.

Ooooh, sorry.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, and musician. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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