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angry tattooed man

Filed Under on January 26th, 2013

Family Maxims #32

By Seth Kabala

Many years ago, I worked as a cashier for a large retail chain. The job was so glamorous and fulfilling that I barely had any time at all to draw barbed-wire tattoos on my arms.

Okay, so the job sucked. What minimum wage job doesn’t? But I was on my way to better things, despite the interesting people that came through my lane.

One such person was a locally-famous, local personality at a local TV station, who lived locally, and had friends locally, and whose local face was, to my knowledge, never seen outside of local markets. Why the overuse of “local”?

Because I want to emphasize my confidence in the hypothesis that if I had stuck my nose down to the john immediately post-shit of this person, it would have smelled like–du, du, du, daaa—shit.

Well, Seth, you’re doubtless saying to yourself. It’s good that you have confidence in your ability to identify the smell of shit when it graces your nose, but why does this apply to me?

Application coming up. Backstory first. (I’ve been watching a lot of Phineus and Ferb lately, so …)

Local personality purchased several items, some of which were duct register covers. You know, the kind that direct air (hot or cold) in the rooms of your house. I assume one wouldn’t purchase these things for the heck of it (though local personality was at least as rich as, like, Donald Trump. Fo’ Sho), so when she left her bag at the lane and headed for the door, I grabbed her bag and ran after her.

I caught up with her just before she left the store, quite pleased with myself. She repaid me with a how-dare-you-embarass-me-and-waste-my-time-giving-me-stuff-I-paid-for-calling-into-question-the-stench-of-my-shit look.

I was confused.

As I’m sure are many low-wage workers who receive crap treatment from other derivatives of local personality. Why are we so sucky as a society? Why can’t we respect people for earning an honest wage, rather than taking a dishonest handout?

The Kabala family shall address service workers by name and engage them in conversation, whenever prudently possible.

These people are on their feet by choice. Respect them for it.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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