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Grandmas Homemade Cherry Pie

Filed Under on January 12th, 2013

Travel Truths

By Seth Kabala

Drove up to see Grandma JoJo over the weekend for her 81st birthday. Always great to see her, and awesome that the older kids know their great grandma well enough to form permanent memories.

Alas, not all aspects of the visit were ice-cream sandwiches and pizza. I learned several more travel truths, and with three kids under age seven, I’m sure more truths are on the way.

Here are five:

1. The severity of garbage dump into which the backseat turns is directly proportional to the length of the trip. Across town? Backyard trash-can level. Across the state? You’ll be piping methane gas out of the garbage heap when you reach your destination.

2. Regardless what speed you set your cruise control, you will always run out of room with the car in front in the right lane before the faster car in the left lane passes, forcing you to brake for one annoying second before again accelerating to just below the speed at which you’ll get a ticket, you hope.

3. Car engineers constantly outdo themselves with stupidity re: the design of warning lights. When the Low Tire Pressure light looks like an Omega symbol, and all you can think of is Greek letters … green lettuce … SALAD!–the engineer probably failed at his job–unless, of course, he’s a revolutionary underground salad pusher. Health nuts. Takes all kinds.

4. Knowledge of the trip being long exponentially increases the “Are we there yet?”s from the back seat. So just call it a reeeeally long errand. And promise ice-cream.

5. You could put flame-throwers in every window of the old farm house in which your Grandma lives and it’ll still be cold. I think old houses have an evil cold-pact with one another. However, all it takes to transport you to San Louis Obispo and Morrow Bay is the company, conversation, and gamesmanship of family members playing a good board game.

Suggestion: Carcassonne. Instant warmth. I’m not responsible for blood boiling when your city gets expanded beyond probable completion. But if you do get to that point, it will probably be with people you love.

So simmer, baby, simmer.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, and musician. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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