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Of all the possible defenses for getting out of doing what parents have asked, claims of existing inside the life-form suit of another entity must be in the minority. I say this because if kids used this ammunition more often, …...

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Filed Under , on September 3rd, 2011

Humans vs Kids

By Seth Kabala

Of all the possible defenses for getting out of doing what parents have asked, claims of existing inside the life-form suit of another entity must be in the minority.

I say this because if kids used this ammunition more often, they would run amok, spinning a new off-track social order far outside the understanding of Michael Scott (about as close as you can get to an infant in big-boy pants) or any other responsible adult, as we’d be left in the throes of laughter, or searching for the nearest child psychiatrist, or helping out modern cartoonists with imagery as we did both.

My wife, Amy, has a problem: she must do BIG when it comes to birthday parties. So, true to form, she painted a castle mural on a king-size sheet and crafted faux parchment paper invitations with literally-candle-burned edges, using a soaked tea bag for the aging treatment, for our daughter’s, Anna’s, four-year-old party. Utter disregard for my preference of avoiding smoke-induced nausea aside, Amy at one point needed scissors to cut ribbon for the invites, and she asked Anna to retrieve the scissors.

“The blue scissors are for kids and the pink scissors are for humans?” Anna said upon her return from the craft cabinet with the scissors (oh, get over it. She was only doing a slight jog with the scissors while attempting to invent a new plumb-bob with the points held over her right cornea, which she used as a centering device, so not THAT dangerous).

If only to classify all kid-related problems with the alien defense. I see a new growth industry for lawyers.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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