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Filed Under , on April 5th, 2014

Maiden Manipulation

By Seth Kabala

An old furniture store in our city was recently converted into a bowling alley/arcade/restaurant/bar. The owner dubbed it “QC Family Entertainment.” I suspect he or she has paid off members of the press assigned to report on bar-fights and instances of indecent exposure, and more than a few instances of (Willy the Giant voice) you-can’t-run-from-my-bowling-ball! angry rednecks chasing each other across the lanes. (What an awesome visual, right?)

Veering away from things that did not happen–let’s make that clear–my kids said they were bored on a Sunday afternoon. Notice I made the distinction that they said they were bored, which is wholly different from actually being bored, which would require a lack of mental stimulation, which, in this day and age (can’t believe I just used that phrase. I am so fucking old), is impossible.

Being a good gullible dad, I acquiesced to their desire to take them to QC Family Entertainment to do some bowling, but I made it clear that under no circumstances was I going to buy them dinner. The bowling is reasonable in price, but that’s how they reel you in. Same way you can get a ticket to a Cubs game for a few bucks, then wake up the next morning and realize you spent your entire 401k on $500 hot dogs and $900 beers. QC Family Entertainment hasn’t progressed to that level of the food racket, but they’re well on their way. Cool place, though.

About mid-way through our first game, Anna came up to me and said, “Dad, I thought I heard you say something about how you were going to get us something to eat?” And she walked away.

Imagine the purest of questioning tones used on the last word of her statement/question/master-exhibit-of-manipulative-power. A rise in multiple octaves sufficient to make Einstein re-think his theory of relativity.

Meanwhile, I’m left thinking, I don’t think I said I would. Pretty sure I said we would eat when we got home. … Didn’t I?

Two hours later when we got home, nobody was hungry.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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