insurance design

Smoking Charges Ignite

Last night, Amy took Anna, our seven-year-old, to the dress rehearsal for her 2015 dance recital. I was left in charge of Will, our nine-year-old, and Ella, our three-year-old. What follows is a litany of the kids showing me that I exist in their world as a piece of tightly-spun twine, permanently...

[ Swap Article ]

Sad Child

Mimicry

Our actions become our kids' reactions. Not exactly new. Not exactly Newtonian (pause while joke sinks in). But it's a truism all the same. ...

[ Swap Article ]

Car radio

Piece of Sh*t Car Reprise

When I was in high-school, a popular song named "Ode to My Car," by Adam Sandler, spun regularly on the radio. No, it didn't. All foul-mouthed teenage boys wished such happy, unfiltered radio days would appear, but that didn't stop the explicit lyrics from making an impact, even if the song's plot...

[ Swap Article ]

ad-sample

Advertise Here

Today, my wife of almost 12 years, Amy, will be schlepping the kids to the library, a destination sought only after hauling them to swimming lessons this morning at 9:15a, also a destination sought only after coaxing three children under …...

[ Swap Article ]

Re-gifting

Certain messes in life are unavoidable. If you get a DUI and your hair is sufficiently mussed or you manage to jam your finger into the nearest outlet just prior to the mug-shot, chances are you'll be a big-time celebrity some day. ...

[ Swap Article ]

A Reasonable Explanation

Therapist: Take me back to the beginning. Tell me how it all got started, how you eventually wound up holding the bloody knife in the aftermath of your killing spree. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation....

[ Swap Article ]

That's a Mouthful

Waking up to the sounds of birds and (outside) insects is alluring, and when you have your second 10th cup of coffee and realize you are on vacation, and this auditory lovemaking is real, not the result of an ambitious-carpet-cleaning hallucination, you can finally relax, letting your bulk stress...

[ Swap Article ]

Stupid Piece of ... Oh, That's Right

I'm a realist. I call things like they are, and if I look stupid in the process, well, so be it. ...

[ Swap Article ]

Deadly Donuts

The morning started off good. Four eggs fluffed with a splash of milk, mixed with Parmesan and salt and black pepper and red pepper flakes and slathered with Cholula hot sauce; four ounces of Bob Evan's spicy Italian sausage (sorry for the smell, honey, luv ya) fried into the wonderful concoction;...

[ Swap Article ]

When Did I Become a Pushover?

I've never thought of myself as the Ultimate Fighter type. As a kid, whenever the possibility of bodily harm came up, I tried to avoid confrontation. But if the issue was pressed, I could stand up and issue fake threats along with the best of them and hope that my manufactured bravado was enough to...

[ Swap Article ]

As I Approach 30

I live in a small town. Colona, IL has a population of just over 5,000. As a jogger, this means I am usually only assaulted with exhaust fumes a few times whenever I decide to go outside to burn some calories. But as far as the type of people passing me on the roadside? Over this, I have no control....

[ Swap Article ]

0
Read the Fine Print Magnifying Glass Words

Filed Under , , on February 14th, 2015

Valentine’s Day TLC (terms of loving conditions)

By Seth Kabala

Today, my wife of almost 12 years, Amy, will be schlepping the kids to the library, a destination sought only after hauling them to swimming lessons this morning at 9:15a, also a destination sought only after coaxing three children under age 10 out of bed and into a state of acceptable outdoor dress (meaning actual clothes and not super hero or Disney princess getups, and prayerfully articles at least 80% hole-free, which doesn’t include the knees of pants).

To top it off, it’s Saturday, meaning the pull of the nocturnal angel of sleep is even stronger than normal–nay! (said, obviously, with the classical acting flair of Kelsey Grammer)–nearly inescapable. But she manages to punch that wispy spirit in the kisser every Saturday, get out of bed, and achieve productivity of which I can only dream. So I feel it is appropriate, given that it’s Valentine’s Day, to list 10 prepositional phrases (for those of you who love grammar more than anything on this holiday) introducing evidence Amy overcomes on her way to achieving daily awesomeness.

1. In spite of the kids watching the same animated show 100 times in a row, Amy has not exercised her authority to block shows, take a mallet to the TV, or run the lawnmower over the kids’ DVDs.

2. In spite of me blasting the family’s ears out with my operatic singing practice, Amy smiles and suggests the kids go upstairs if they want to hear their own thoughts.

3. In spite of me hunting and pecking my way through the Rachmaninoff 3rd Piano Concerto (which is beautiful when played a tempo but sounds like cats jumping on broken guitars when played at learning speed), Amy does not adopt a snarky tone and suggest I maintain a steady day job.

4. In spite of me working long hours during the week and most weekends, Amy affirms and respects my ambition at every turn.

5. In spite of our bedroom being unusable for days due to a floor refinishing project, Amy acquiesced to creative staging for amorous activity.

6. In spite of our kitchen being unusable for days due to continuation of the refinishing project, Amy’s expression of discontent was contained to being sad she couldn’t prepare a from-scratch meal for her family.

7. In spite of the kids seeming to forget everything they’ve ever learned every single day they are asked to demonstrate previously demonstrated knowledge, Amy has the patience of Job, or Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates, depending on your era, pushes through, achieves success, and bolsters self confidence in our children.

8. In spite of me listening to, at blaring volume, Pavarotti arias one day while working out and Avenged Sevenfold the next time, Amy forgoes commentary on my weird, eclectic tastes, and raises her voice to a banshee yell to ascertain when I’ll be ready for dinner.

9. In spite of Amy needing at least eight hours of sleep to feel fully rested and functional, she gets up with the kids when they have night-terrors and doesn’t give me the stink-eye when I say, “Wow, everybody slept through the night, huh?”

10. In spite of me being me, she looks past the fire and smoke of Mordor, past the treachery roaming the halls of King’s Landing, past all combinations and permutations of Gunslinger quests to apprehend The Man in Black (Stephen King fans will understand)–and she loves me.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Babe!

Love you :)

FacebookGoogle+PinterestRedditTwittertumblrEmail



Leave a Reply





Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

0 Comments Load Comments


????????????????????????????????????????

Shuffler's Luck

I never knew a card game could change my life. I'm not talking about a high-stakes poker game, where international gangsters vie for dominance in a world of chance, and if chance doesn't go their way, bullets will do as a nice substitute. I'm talking about a simple card game with suggestions for the...

[ Swap Article ]

Bully man

Meter Mensch

A co-worker of mine dropped her bus pass in the hall. Someone picked it up and handed it to her. She thanked the person, saying she was sure glad she hadn't lost it for good. I poked my head out of my office and said, "You just ruined a fare inspector's day." Got a good laugh, and it got me...

[ Swap Article ]

Chess board made of white and brown sugar with King

Sweetness and Dark

The street is dark. Cars line both sides, hugging the curbs. Streetlamps reflect off of glossy paint jobs and squeegeed windshields, creating alternative perspective art pieces from flipped aspect ratios of bent light. A breeze blows the evening fog up from the water. It lowers the ambient...

[ Swap Article ]

Holy Cow - handgezeichnete Illustration mit Pastellkreide in türkis

Couch Etymology

From where you sit, do you understand seated origin? The reason for said sitting? If not, you soon will. ...

[ Swap Article ]

Pop-art style poster with hipster deer dressed in yellow glasses and scarf, telling I am cool.

Toxic Bambi

Yesterday while I was writing, Ella, our seven-year-old, came up to me and said she had thought of a joke. "My first joke," she announced, pride streaming from her voice and face. I asked her what it was. Here's what she said, "What does [we'll say Bob] want to do for school? Me U. Get it? Me U...

[ Swap Article ]

World Map in Typography word cloud concept, names of countries

Plan for the Journey

Toastmasters is moving away from its physical manuals and static speech-making program into a dynamic program called Pathways. On January 10, 2019, I delivered my first speech in Pathways: a re-imagination of my ice-breaker speech. If you don't know me, know this: if you give me a rubric, I will...

[ Swap Article ]

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Battle of the Sarcasticons

I’m raising a band of Little Sarcasticons. Defined term? Yes, yes it is. You can find it in the Kabala Book of Sarcasticisms. New chapters available daily. No longer must we be constrained in our sarcastic witticism production. Oh, no, folks. Netflix has joined the charge with their resurrection...

[ Swap Article ]

Secondhand word cloud

Editor's Note--TFF Issue #20

Some vehicles bring lackluster competitive spirit to dancing competitions. Despite their nimble construction, most compact models lack the energy to stick it out in the most heated scenarios. Then you've got the ones who were made for dancing. Made for not just cruising down the road, but for...

[ Swap Article ]

Plumbing Speed Logo Icon Design

Speed Plumbing

The pipe masters ascended the stairs and entered the arena. They'd come a long way, building rudimentary structures to escape cribs and punish bullies as children, graduating to more complicated designs as adolescents and adults. Mario had been especially proud of his design that transported him...

[ Swap Article ]

Fortune cookie bad set. death and robber on paper prediction. Vector illustration

Imaginative Cookies

The executive stepped to the lectern, his stomach churning with nerves and the remnants of last night's authentic Mexican food. Wonderful flavors. Wonderful and punishing, that is. This moment was shaping up to be a repeat of that theme. Investors, the public, the press--if he could convince them...

[ Swap Article ]

Businessman Drawing on the Whiteboard. Pop Art

Editor's Note--TFF Issue #19

A few months ago, I decided to write a daily quote on my office wall. No, I’m not an irascible child who will not be contained in my creative fury. I have a whiteboard that I use for quote purposes and other work stuff. ...

[ Swap Article ]