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The room lurks close to the foundation. It provides liquid refreshment during extended bouts of NFL weekends, comfort to weary muscles during less intense big-screen-watching moments, and a safe place of sanctuary to escape the town hag, whose honey-do list …...

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Filed Under on November 12th, 2010

Death to the Man-Cave

By Seth Kabala

The room lurks close to the foundation. It provides liquid refreshment during extended bouts of NFL weekends, comfort to weary muscles during less intense big-screen-watching moments, and a safe place of sanctuary to escape the town hag, whose honey-do list making and assigning are considered traitorous acts in this land, and thus she is barred from entrance–unless, of course, the men-folk need more beer.

In popular culture today, many sports-crazed males have adopted a pseudonym for this room: The Man Cave. Far from wishing to be the exterminator of this hallowed space–huge Packer fan; how’s the view from the bottom, rest of NFC North?–I would like to make a request of all sports fans who hibernate to lower levels and higher inebriation whenever any college or NFL game is on or the wife has friends over to discuss the Twilight Saga:

You do not hold the deed to a naturally-formed hollowed-out rock formation, so to avoid accusations of boorishness coming any closer to the truth, just call this space what it is: the basement.

Unless you’re gonna start titling everything you own, you should never start. It’s a lame attempt to be cool. Telling instead of showing, as our English teachers were so fond of reminding us.

You don’t call your front door the Gateway to Fantasy, or your bedroom the Plumbing Palace: All Pipes Serviced 24/7/365, or your liquor cabinet Potions for Priming the Prude’s Pump, do you? You do? Give me a second … just finding the Psychiatrist section in the phone book.

Ridiculous, right? So just call the basement what it is, and let your entertaining space speak for itself. Furthermore, if you’re in a committed relationship, and you like sex and don’t like to beg, you know as well as I do that there are things in your relationship she wants you do do and things she allows you to do. It’s a one-way street. Doesn’t go both ways. If you’re a newlywed, get used to it.

With this fact in hand, the establishment of a false title that suggests exclusivity to males and exclusion of the female life form is all the more senseless. If Momma want in, Momma comin’ in.

At least if you call it a basement you can maintain some dignity. If only in your dino-sized male brain. Yours and mine.

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Seth Kabala

About: Seth Kabala
Seth is an entrepreneur, writer, musician, family man, and juggler of balls--big ones. He lives with his wife and three children in Portland, OR.

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