Smoking Charges Ignite
Last night, Amy took Anna, our seven-year-old, to the dress rehearsal for her 2015 dance recital. I was left in charge of Will, our nine-year-old, and Ella, our three-year-old. What follows is a litany of the kids showing me that I exist in their world as a piece of tightly-spun twine, permanently...
Our actions become our kids' reactions. Not exactly new. Not exactly Newtonian (pause while joke sinks in). But it's a truism all the same. ...
Piece of Sh*t Car Reprise
When I was in high-school, a popular song named "Ode to My Car," by Adam Sandler, spun regularly on the radio. No, it didn't. All foul-mouthed teenage boys wished such happy, unfiltered radio days would appear, but that didn't stop the explicit lyrics from making an impact, even if the song's plot...
Few things bring as much joy on a Sunday Than hiking with family, despite youthful dismay For whatever the parents’ intention on leaving That ideal, soon to be the subject of bereaving Arriving at the planned destination of course Bodies …...
Certain messes in life are unavoidable. If you get a DUI and your hair is sufficiently mussed or you manage to jam your finger into the nearest outlet just prior to the mug-shot, chances are you'll be a big-time celebrity some day. ...
A Reasonable Explanation
Therapist: Take me back to the beginning. Tell me how it all got started, how you eventually wound up holding the bloody knife in the aftermath of your killing spree. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation....
That's a Mouthful
Waking up to the sounds of birds and (outside) insects is alluring, and when you have your second 10th cup of coffee and realize you are on vacation, and this auditory lovemaking is real, not the result of an ambitious-carpet-cleaning hallucination, you can finally relax, letting your bulk stress...
Stupid Piece of ... Oh, That's Right
I'm a realist. I call things like they are, and if I look stupid in the process, well, so be it. ...
The morning started off good. Four eggs fluffed with a splash of milk, mixed with Parmesan and salt and black pepper and red pepper flakes and slathered with Cholula hot sauce; four ounces of Bob Evan's spicy Italian sausage (sorry for the smell, honey, luv ya) fried into the wonderful concoction;...
When Did I Become a Pushover?
I've never thought of myself as the Ultimate Fighter type. As a kid, whenever the possibility of bodily harm came up, I tried to avoid confrontation. But if the issue was pressed, I could stand up and issue fake threats along with the best of them and hope that my manufactured bravado was enough to...
As I Approach 30
I live in a small town. Colona, IL has a population of just over 5,000. As a jogger, this means I am usually only assaulted with exhaust fumes a few times whenever I decide to go outside to burn some calories. But as far as the type of people passing me on the roadside? Over this, I have no control....
By Seth Kabala
Few things bring as much joy on a Sunday
Than hiking with family, despite youthful dismay
For whatever the parents’ intention on leaving
That ideal, soon to be the subject of bereaving
Arriving at the planned destination of course
Bodies pile out, all at once, sally forth
Then cresting the first hill of this grand expedition
A request comes from the back, and it seems, yes, sedition
They want not to tromp through clumps of grass, mud, and flowers
They want, instead, an entertaining way to pass the hours
With lamentations offered until sanity is at end
The decision is made: fine, we relent
Power up the device, waggle to, waggle fro
It’s time, boys and girls, for Pokémon GO!
First up in the Gotta Catch ‘Em All category is Pikachu
This small yellow and red rabbit-looking thing makes me want to shout “Pokémon who?”
How could a cheery-looking creature, so innocent, so pure
Make me think positively of bathing in manure?
For that’s what was on my mind when it came on the screen
Not what we needed to find, but who would hear me scream
Let’s not worry about all the plants, trees, and bugs
Let’s follow our device in the thick and looks like a bunch of thugs
Either that or typical youths today
Neither going somewhere nor wanting to stay
Because although we did find that first Pokémon character
Keeping him, it, I don’t know, inside the ball barrier
It wasn’t enough to quench the kids’ thirst
For electronic gadgetry shenanigans, and raiding Mom’s purse
Then who gets the bill for all of this ruckus?
That’s right, Dad, who says, “Oh, what the fuck is … ?”
I suppose it’s better than the plight of a lot of families
Stuck inside on a Sunday, putting paper to similes
Like overgrown weeds scratching the pavement
They brush over their medium, never quite making a dent
But here we are in the woods, in the thick
Not too bad weather
Family time is a pleasure
Time for me to stop being a dick
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Tags: bad poetry, ball, bereaving, character, course, dad, dick, expedition, gadgetry, hiking, innocent, intention, lamentations, manure, mom, pass the hours, Pikachu, plight, Pokemon GO!, relent, sally forth, Scream, screen, sedition, Sunday, TFF Issue #15, together, tromp, Weeds, youth
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